I'm a rockstar...

2007-01-06T11:32:00.000-09:00

I trust everyone had a good holiday. Did I have a good holiday? You betcha. Thumbs up.

I just thought I would let you guys know that Disneyland really is the happiest place on earth. Even the people who clean the bathrooms are happy. Drugs in the water or something. The thing that stands out in my mind the most is seeing Mickey slay a dragon with some sort of light sabre. This may or may not be attributed to the drugged Disney water.

Lemonade for everyone!

2006-12-12T20:09:00.000-09:00

Is it just me or has blogger become a little manic? Some crazy shit has been happening up in this little blogging space.

I have a question. I am using my headphones right now but there is sound coming out of only one earpiece. How the heck does that happen? It is really unsettling to only hear sound in one ear. I may have to buy new headphones and that upsets me greatly. I like these ones. They have served me well.

I got my Alberta license today. I hate your crappy Alberta insurance and your ugly Alberta licenses. They suck. Both of them. They only good thing about an Alberta license is that it lasts five years. It is nice that I won't have to drag my butt down to the registry every May to renew it. One good thing.

In other news, I have obtained a friend for Ninja. My friend Jordy had a kitten that he had to give away because his evil landlord wouldn't let him keep her. And as you all know, the Humane Society is way over capacity on cats. I couldn't just let this little guy get put out in the cold. So I brought her home. Ninja was quite upset with me for a few days. He didn't appreciate the new companionship at all. He mostly stalked around the house growling. But after a few days he as grown fond of her, even bathing her. Her name is Ophelia Princess Little Mofo Brimejor Roy. She goes by Philly for short. She is a tiny little grey bundle of energy. I will post a picture of her when I become less lazy. So expect pictures in about five weeks.

Me and Jesus; kicking it old skool Christmas style.

2006-12-05T19:14:00.000-09:00

I caught Christmas fever. I really do think it has something to do with the fact that I no longer work at Second Cup. Which means, no Christmas songs shoved down my throat since the end of October. Now it is December and I can enjoy Christmas songs. Actually enjoy them. I heard Feliz Navidad at Ikea today and it didn't make me cringe. Well, it did because that is one hell of an annoying song. But it made me cringe less than it would if I had heard it every freakin' night since Halloween. Right now my favorite Christmas song is "Fairytale of New York" by Pilate. I like a Christmas song that incorparates lyrics like, "old slut on junk" and "cheap, lousy faggot" and still somehow manage to be a Christmas song. Now that is creative.

Sunday was Boston Pizza's Christmas party. And it made me realize what would have made Keith and Jane's Christmas parties way more fun. Copius amounts of free booze. I'm talking copius. Sure does liven things up. You guys will be happy to know that I was awarded the "Most Kind and Generous" award. But, for some reason in brackets it said "you sarcastic bitch". Really, when I called my manager a skanky ho-bag I wasn't being sarcastic. I was being honest. I think my GM also fired me that night. I can't remember why but he said I was rehired once I threatened to burn down the store and everyone in it. Merry Christmas Boston Pizza!

And hey, let's stop planning things on Friday nights. I work Fridays. All the time. Let's aim for a Thursday next time. I can do Thursdays. Except this Thursday. I have to work. I do have Friday off but I am doing my first Christmas with my family. You guys can come if you want but you may feel left out while we open our presents.

John Stamos is still a handsome man

2006-11-16T22:37:00.000-09:00

So yesterday I totally rocked Boston Pizza as a delivery driver. It was a nice change of pace from the drudgery of serving. I only had one lady complain that her food was cold and she was a liar. And really even if her food arrived "ice cold" as she says, that's why God invented microwaves. So you can nuke the food you were too lazy to make yourself. Betch.

A few places where like, "A girl! Well, my word! This is completely unheard of!" But I will have you know that we have three lady drivers, including myself. I was happy to note that I encountered no creepy people, but unfortunately had two stinky people. One smelly, but very nice man and one lady who's apartment had the overwhelming stench of cat pee.

Also, I realized that if you order delivery you should really turn on your porch light. And shovelling your walk would be a good thing to do as well. Let's face it, I am a klutz. And, when faced with a dark slippery walk I may just fall on "accident" so I can sue you. Because I will sue you, rest assured. I am vindictive that way.

And on a closing note, what's with Blogger asking me to get a Google account or some such nonsense? Does Google own this as well? Is there anything thing that doesn't belong to them? Well, I have news for you Google. You can just back right off. Betch.

2006-11-03T12:06:00.000-09:00

Today's post brought to you by THIS penguin.

Seriously though, who is coming to see Happy Feet with me? It opens November 17. I get Tuesdays and Thursdays off. Let's make this happen people.

2006-10-31T20:31:00.000-09:00

Today I was dressed up as a punk rock pirate. I have had a different costume since Friday. I kind of forget what it is like to wear normal clothes. And also today, in the spirit of Halloween, I ate a rootbeer sucker. The first lick was good, the second was better but by the third a strange, yet familar, taste started to develop. Better have a fourth lick, I decided, so we can determine this strange new sensation taking hold in my mouth. A fourth and then fifth. What started out as delicious was quickly descending into the grey area of "interesing". As in, "Your tuna surprise casserole sure smells interesting." And as I sit here and contemplate that strange taste sensation I realize what it reminded me of. Envelopes. What started as rootbeer sucker turned into an act of envelope licking. Which serves me right, I suppose, for buying the two dollar bag of suckers. You get what you pay for.

2006-10-25T23:10:00.000-09:00

I just thought that you should all know that the best place to eat before heading out to your Halloween soirees on Friday night is Boston Pizza. Why, you ask. Well, you see, that is where I will be and I am awesome. Not only am I awesome but I will be there dressed as a pirate. AND not just any pirate but Captain Hook. Pretty sweet, I know. And we will also have Peter Pan kicking old school with The Crocodile. And Tinker Bell will be there, you know, tinkering stuff. So if on Friday night you are getting dressed up in your fishnets, capes, or tails and you think to yourself "Man, I could really go for a stromboli, yo," head on over to the Bips to satisfy your hunger. And say hi to me. I'll be the one duking it out with Peter Pan or trying to balance a tray of drinks with my hook. I will also be there on Saturday dressed as Captain Ho. Friday's theme is Peter Pan, Saturday's theme: debauchery. After The Cup I never thought I would find another group of like-minded perverts, er, people. But lo and behold, I did. The world is full of kooks.

2006-10-23T13:04:00.000-09:00

I saw this on Cass's blog and I thought it was neat. The deal is open your music thingy put it on shuffle and press forward for every new question to create the soundtrack of your life. Crazy fun, yo.

Opening Credits:
Don't Get Lost in Heaven - Gorillaz

Waking Up:
Procrastinator's Fight Song - Shout Out Out Out (out out out out...?)

First Day at School:
Hands Open - Snow Patrol

Falling in Love:
Chicken Payback - A Band of Bees (this is a strange non-sensical song, which I suppose would make sense)

Fight Song:
No News is Good News - A New Found Glory

Breaking Up:
Alcholiday - Bandwagonesque

Life:
Eastern Glow - The Album Leaf

Mental Breakdown:
Punk as Fuck - American Analog Set

Driving:
Our Hell - Emily Haines

Getting back together:
The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack - Liars

Wedding:
Dare - Gorillaz (My redneck family would have a hard time two-stepping to that)

Birth of Child:
Faking the Books - Lali Puna

Final Battle:
All That I Know - The Marble Index

Death Scene:
You're My Flame - Zero 7

End Credits:
On Peak Hill - Stars

2006-10-18T12:57:00.000-09:00

Good news everyone! I fixed my computer! Me, I did. I used a series of ninja-like maneuvors and a steak knife. Voila, computer fixed. I am a freakin' genius.

John Stamos is a handsome man

2006-10-08T11:37:00.000-09:00

Something unfortunate has happened to my computer. The power button is stuck in permanent "off" position. I am not quite sure how it happened. I don't remember punching the computer off. Besides that, I have weak little girl punches that don't do much damage anyway. I am not quite sure on how to go about fixing that either. It may be time for a new computer anyway. I just didn't really feel like dropping that kind of money when I have a perfectly good computer with a broken power button sitting in my bedroom. I am in Saskatchewan right now to partake in the annual eating of the turkey. I think that is one of the main reason I could never be a vegetarian. Giving up turkey dinners would just be too painful.

2006-09-16T10:03:00.000-09:00

I was making muffins yesterday. Delicious banana walnut muffins. My muffin pan is really shallow so muffins turn out more like muffkins. I decided to try out this beater my gramma gave me. She bought it at a garage sale for ONE DOLLAR. Brand new, box and everything! ONE DOLLAR. And that is why garage sales are rad. I had used the beater before to beat stuff like eggs. It also came with this nifty little food processor attachment that I used to make tomato sauce one day. I decided to try it out on my muffin mix because my regular beater is decrepit. It is falling apart and smells like burning hair if I try to use it. First step, beat together sugar and butter. Well, apparently this beater is not meant for such high tech maneuvers (I had to use spell check on that word. I would have never guessed it was spelled like that. My first guess had a couple of "O's" in it) because it caused the sugar to explode in a great big sugary cloud. Everywhere. I still have sugar in my hair one day and one shower later. But the muffkins are delicious. So come over to my house, I made muffins!

Crikey

2006-09-04T13:08:00.000-09:00

Peace out Steve Irwin.

2006-08-17T17:59:00.000-09:00

I think the question that is on everyone's mind is...What would Anderson Cooper look like as a blond?

As you can see I have mad Photoshop skillz. Or maybe you can see that I didn't get anything productive done today. But whatever, I am off to the lake. Boo productiveness. Oh, wait! I did learn something today. I learned that Ninja digs Miles Davis but does not care for Lali Puna. So the day was not a complete waste.

This month's post brought to you by Penguins.

2006-08-12T14:02:00.000-09:00

I don't want to make you guys jealous or anything but I just learned that I am the proud recipent of three Christmases. Having one Christmas is pretty awesome but having three is just tremendous. I am celebrating with my family on 17th of December, right before my dad leaves for good ol' Yemen. It is a heart breaking fact that they have no Christmas trees in Yemen. Probably because it is a desert and no spruce trees grow there, or possibly because it is a predominately Muslim country. So that is pre-Christmas. Then my mom and brother are leaving for Phoenix on Christmas Eve, which leaves my sister and I to celebrate Christmas Day by ourselves. But fear not for we are not sad! We have already decided to eat copius amounts of ham and scalloped potatoes, and drink copius amounts of eggnog and rum. So that's Christmas-Christmas. And then Alanna and I leave on the 27th to meet up with my family in Phoenix and celebrate Christmas with my uncle. He is buying us tickets with his airmiles as a gift. Very generous of him. So that is post-Christmas. Christmas times 3! Could it get any better? I know it is only August and December is like three million days away, but I am busting with excitement. Yippy skippy!

2006-07-21T17:12:00.000-09:00

I woke up this morning and thought a swarm of bees was outside my window. It turned out that it was nothing as menacing as a swarm of potentially killer insects only the beginning of the potentially killer event known as the Grand Prix. No bees, only car type things.

2006-07-12T14:03:00.000-09:00

I just want to put this out there...Harry Potter fanfiction is terribly creepy. Okay, wait. That's not being far. Professor Snape fanfiction is terribly creepy and wrong, oh so wrong. There are some very deranged people out there writing some really fucked up stuff. I may be wrong but I don't think that what really turns Severus on is some professor on student action. Blech. It's just plain weird.

Alanna and I checked out the Street Performer's Festival today. The Balloon Man made us a sweet sweet flower. And then we saw a one man band which was, I am not gonna lie, freakin' amazing. Seriously, whoever thought of strapping cymbals to their knees is a genius! Erika, for your next wedding performance I seriously think you should upgrade to some knee cymbals. Jazz is great and all but nothing says class like banging out a tune with your knees.

After we were sick of clowns and balloon animals we went to the art gallery. Nathan I think you should go see the Northern Expediation exhibit not for the art so much but for the giant polar bear. The bear is so big I want to ride him. Plus it looks like he is grinning. And the art is A-OK too, although I don't really care for good ol' A.Y. Jackson.

2006-06-25T12:36:00.000-09:00

Yesterday at the good ol' Boston Pizza we had two dine n' dashes simulataneously. I really didn't think that they were actually that prevalent in the restaurant world and here we had two happen at the exact same time! I noticed Elly's table walking out the door so I went in the kitchen to ask her if they had already paid. She replied that it was okay, they were just going out for a smoke.

Ooo-kay, that is all fine and dandy but the doors are locked so they won't be able to get back in, I told her. So she went to go check on them and I walked back to the restaurant where I noticed, to my surprise (da da DUUUN) that my table had disappeared, seemingly out the back door. So, I went to check the back door. My people were long gone but Elly's table was running down the alley. I would have pursued them but the math didn't add up: dark alley + drunk dishonest people + all by myself does not equal good idea. In the end, both groups of bandits got away.

Elly's table was drunk ladies all squeezed into their hoochie wear. Ick. My table was highschool kids. Highschool kids wearing very expensive clothes. You know, those expensive track suit dealies that are so popular with the young'uns nowadays. It's just crazy man, crazy. My table annoyed me from the get go. So, I licked their straws. It's the little things that count, you know. But then they turned around and ripped Boston Pizza out of sixty bucks. It's okay though. They now have a serious black mark on their karma record. And we all know everything comes back full circle.

2006-06-14T15:43:00.000-09:00

I didn't die. I just broke all my typing fingers in a freak fishing accident while I was at the lake. That is a lie. I have never broken any bones before. Dislocated, torn, and sprained things, but never broken.

Check it out! I taught Ninja how to smile.

Actually I caught the little guy right before a sneeze and this was the resulting picture. He sure is photogenic though.

In other news...Boston Pizza is pizz-a-rif-ic. I made a fancy new addition to my uniform.

Mine are the monster size shoes on the right. Sandra and Megan have little midget feet. These shoes are part of a series I would like to call "Rainy Day Crafts". Tomorrow if it is rainy Sandra and I may build something out of popsicle sticks.

Ninja News

2006-05-12T18:57:00.000-09:00

Ninja is doing fabulous. He really liked to hide out in our dryer until one day Alanna didn't realize he was in there and threw a pile of soggy clothes on top of him. He didn't really appreciate that.

Neko Case is coming to town, guys! Right now I am rocking out to her sweet country tunes. She is playing at the Horowitz Theatre on, I do believe, July 7. Just think, Bright Eyes, and then a month later Neko Case. Splendid! Some come on down. We can sit together!

Last week I bought the most comfortable chair in the world. And then I bought Jaws, the most awesome movie in the world. And then I sat in my chair and watched it. In one word, splentrilecent. The chair is one of those funny dish chairs. I called it a nest chair and the guy at Urban Outfitters didn't know what I was talking about. Dude, it is the only piece of furniture in here that I can afford. I sat in it and watched Phantom of the Opera as well. I figured since I can't afford to actually go see it the next best thing is to watch it on TV. I realized something as well. Things are less sad if you sing them. I cry during movies whether it is a sad part or happy part, and sometimes for no reason at all. But during Phantom of the Opera not once. But right now reminscing about the film, a little tear has formed in my eye. Strange.

Yay for fine arts!

2006-05-07T06:05:00.000-09:00

2006-05-07T05:49:00.000-09:00

It smells so good outside. I don't usually think that in the city, especially downtown. Most days you can't get past the overwhelming stench of exhaust and sewer yuck. But not today, today it smells glorious. So good I want to serve it on a plate and eat it. Thanks Mother Nature for giving us a little rain to make everything shiny and bright...

I always thought the standard way of tipping was 15% or doubling the GST. If you are going to leave me a tip in all nickels and dimes I would rather not have it. Its kind of insulting. And also, don't leave pennies for your server. Even if your bill comes to, say, 22.03$. The pennies just go into my pocket, driving me crazy. Also, another pet peeve I have developed...I know free refills are awesome and all, but don't order another drink if you are even going to take a sip. If I take the time to fill up your drink and it sits there still full when you leave, it irks me. Waste, I tell you, waste! And if you are power drinking your beverage so that every time I check your table you need a new drink, say fifteen times, that also irks me. Now you are just being an asshole. Chances are I spit in your drink the last 10 times. Which brings me to a cardinal rule everyone should remember when eating out. Be nice to the people who handle your food. I am a nice person but I have my limits. I don't understand how anyone would have the courage to be a dick to the person who is responsible for feeding them that day. For the love of God, we could be doing anything back there with your food! We don't, of course, but the potential is there. Keep that in mind. Be nice. And tip your server according to the service she gave you. If she was awesome, make sure she knows that. If she was awesome and you leave her a crappy tip in nickels and dimes...well, everything comes back full circle. You will get yours you stingy bastard.

For the most part though, serving at Boston Pizza is a pretty okay job.

2006-05-05T18:20:00.000-09:00

Oh wonders of wonders! Guess who is coming to town my little scenesters! Bright Eyes! Oh Conor Oberst in all his angsty glory. That is super dandy. So get ready to get your rock on. I have my tickets, do you?

In other news... Oh hell, I don't have any other news. Bright Eyes are coming to Edmonton, baby!

Take that Mother Nature.....bitch

2006-04-05T20:20:00.000-09:00

So I think spring has sprung. Mother Nature tried to throw a wrench into the machine with all that dang blasted snow. What a bitch. Well, despite her worst intentions the good weather has hit. Along with daylight savings time. Thanks Katrina for the wake-up call. That was awesome. Boy oh boy, I love being called at 7 in the morning on a Sunday. But I guess it sucks even more to be at work at 7 in the morning on a Sunday.

I would just like to take a moment to say that I am a little in love with Sandra. After spending all day Sunday with her looking like a sexpot and then staring into her sultry eyes on Monday and Tuesday while I developed the pictures...yup, its love. And to think, the night before she was wearing puppy jammies. Which were also delightful by the way. I think that I have tapped into a lucrative business. The mall is a big tourist trap anyway. I should go there every weekend with someone dressed up as someone famous and be armed with a polaroid camera. I could sell pictures for 11.50$. And you know what, tons of people would buy them. We probably could have made ass loads of money on Sunday. Maybe I don't need to work at Boston Pizza after all...

2006-03-28T10:47:00.000-09:00

Okay, so my computer is fixed (finally) but now the internet is busted. Telus probably has red flagged my account when I call too. "This girl is an idiot." My end of the conversation usually consists of, "You know that thing that you plug the other thing in. The thing that blinks? Well it is not doing the thing that makes everything work. Comprende?" But last night the computer guy wasn't much better than I was. "Is it plugged in? Okay now, unplug it. Now, plug it back in. Did that work?" Uh, no, no it didn't do a damn thing. So, he was stumped. Boo-urns. Some other guy who knows stuff is suppose to phone today to see what the dilly-o is up.

In other news, I think that spring has sprung. The sun is shining, the dang-blasted snow is melting, and tonight I am barbequing for supper. Splendid!

And...also at tip for future reference. Don't buy furniture from Jysk. It is waaay more trouble that it is worth. I got a desk from there, opened up the package and released a peice was missing, a crucial piece. Once the piece was in my possession the instructions don't make any sense. Once you get it all together you realise everything is backwards so you have to take the whole stupid thing apart. Then, once I got it all together and the last peices to go one were the sliding drawer thingy for the keyboard I saw that they had drilled the holes on the wrong side making it impossible for me to screw it on. So I just said fuck it, I don't need a sliding drawer thingy for my desk. It works just fine without it.

One last thing....Erika is full on rockstar awesome. And I sincerely mean that because I am physically incapable of lying. The ability to lie was not programmed into my dna upon conception. So yeah, full on rockstar awesome!

Why have you forsaken us, Mr. Plow??

2006-03-19T14:36:00.000-09:00

I am not very impressed with this snow. What with the first day of spring being on Tuesday and all. Today I was planning on building a snow fort in the little green space our condo area has but yesterday I slipped while I was walking home from work and twisted my knee. So, instead I have been sitting around feeling sorry for myself. Boo-urns. I have snow pants and everything. I still might build a fort tonight. I will just dose up on Tylenol. I may as well make the most of the snow while it lasts.

It snowed so much yesterday that I told my sister to buy a snow shovel after work so we could shovel out our parking spot. She also need the shovel to get Frances out of the parking lot at Kingsway. The only snow shovel left at Zellers looks like something that you would build a sand castle with. We shovelled out our little spot but Frances got stuck where we had parked him while we were shovelling. Some boys drove by in a truck and laughed at our attempts. Then they were nice enought to help us get the car into the spot. As the one boy was backing the car into the spot Alanna leans over to me and informs me that at Stage 13 one of her friends got to "know" him very well. That just tickles me pink with how small the world is. Delightful. So yeah, Alanna and I made our first friend in the building. His name his Nick and he sleeps with girls at concerts but also helps girls stuck in the snow. Fiddle-dee-dee.

In other important news, I have decided what my romance novel pen name is going to be. I can't use my real name just in case one day I decided to write seriously. So, in the Harlequinn world I shall be known as Daria Willows. I think it has a nice ring to it. It is just ridiculous enough to work.

I have found zen...

2006-03-13T17:26:00.000-09:00

... it was in the lobby of my apartment building. Who would have thought it was under my nose the entire time. Someone had left a box full of new age self help books just sitting there. I love free stuff and I couldn't resist. I also picked up an Anne Rice book. "I dig her wacky vampires," I thought. What I didn't realize is that it was an erotic Anne Rice book. Heehee. Erotica. I read it to my sister and Kavi like it was a bedtime story. I am good at storytelling. I could do voiceovers for movies. The book taught me a new word...pubis. A decidedly unsexy word. Pubis. And so, the book has revealed to me my calling in life. I shall write romance novels. Maybe erotica, who knows. I am pretty sure I can come up with a better word than pubis. Silly Anne Rice. So yeah, forget art history, teaching, my litte coffee shop. I am going to write rauncy romance. A noble goal.

Natalie Portman is my girlfriend...

2006-02-28T13:52:00.000-09:00

...Just thought you should know.

I am in my photoshop class right now. It is taking half of forever for my little (well actually huge) file to do the things I want it to do. I sat here staying at it a while, willing it to go faster. Alas, no luck.

I am all settled into my new place. Goodbye forever little fire hall. I shall miss your haunted hallways but not your spider infested basement. Ninja likes his new digs. He thanked me by sleeping on my head. He was not trying to suffocate me, no no. He was showing love. He also shows love by drinking from the toilet and eating my plants. Ah, so much love.

Damn you Tony Danza!

2006-02-06T12:56:00.000-09:00

Who decided Tony Danza needed a talk show? I mean, really, are they just giving talk shows away to just anyone these days? If that is the case, I would like one. If Tony can do it, I certainly can do it. Tony Danza, bah, I spit on you.

The Gods have smiled upon me. Yesterday as I was walking home, taking a little shortcut through the alley, I happened upon a turntable and two speakers resting by a dumpster. Oh, how sad, I thought. Why would anyone carelessly abandon them like that. How thoughtless. Perhaps they are broken and really are just garbage now. So I kept on walking. But wait... maybe they weren't broken. Perhaps someone just doesn't have a use for them anymore and left them in the alley as an offering to the Garbage Gods. So I walked briskly home, picked up lil' orange Frances, who is great for hauling around all my junk, and brought the little turntable and speakers home. I was worried that when I plugged them in they would explode or a rat would crawl out. But, lo' and behold, they work. Perfectly fine. I only have one little record but I was more than pleased with my find. Super dandy.

Holy crip, he's a crapple!

2006-02-01T07:25:00.000-09:00

Been watching a lot of Family Guy. Thanks Cass! I really think it is aiding in Ninja's recovery. You know, it being an inspirational series and all... The little guy is doing well, he doesn't really care for the fancy-schmancy food the vet gave him. He just wants to eat kibble. The staff at the Emergancy Vet Clinic were all very nice, well actually the night doctor was nicer than the day doctor. Night Doctor tried to keep costs down to a minimum while Day Doctor was obviously an evil capitalist working for The Man. And contrary to what I said before, Ninja does not have a belly button. His scar is just really weird looking. He does, however, appear to have nipples, that or very symmetrical pimples. Either way, gross.

I had the craziest dream the other night. It was like a little movie in my head. A kind of movie that I would even watch. It had all my favorite elements: the mafia, drugs, karate fighting. No pirates though, which is unfortunate. I dreamt that I was dating a complusive gambler who lost all of our money to the mob and now they were after us. Rather than just break his kneecaps or something the mob put a hit out on me. We had a week to get the money or else...BLAMMO! And apparently I was a junkie, albeit a highly functioning one. Do junkies come that way? I guess they must otherwise we would be without the majority of rock music.

Anyway...

To get the money we decide to ask my boyfriend's father for a loan. He had connections you see. To what, I am not sure. In the dream the dad was running an auto parts garage. But the dad and son don't get along because the dad is an alcoholic. So I go in to his little garage to ask for the loan because the dad likes me. Let's face it, I am delightful whether it is in real life or dream life. So, I am asking him to loan us money, saying that I would work as a receptionist or something, clean his house, whatever, when all of a sudden... ROBBERY! A crazy man breaks into the garage as we are standing right there. He's yelling and screaming and then he pulls a knife. Well, Dream Alissa has had quite enough. She is dating a compulsive gambler, is a junkie, and has a hit out on her. Mister Dad goes to give the guy the money, but Dream Alissa won't have any of that. She goes Jackie Chan on the robber's ass. Take that. He drops his knife and runs away. Who knew I had such mad ninja skillz? Anyway, so now the dad feels so grateful he just gives us the money as a gift. And then I woke up.... It was a pretty in depth dream. I haveno idea what I went to bed thinking about.

I also had a weird dream after Erika and I went for our little walk. There is a building on my street that intrigues the both of us. You know, the one with the alley houses? We went on our walk Tuesday night, we noticed that the doors of the building and the alley houses were open. Oh man, did we ever want to go in. I did anyway. But it was dark and scary and we are just two silly girls. What is the deal with that place? Do people live in it? Is it abandoned? A crack house? Haunted? Well anyway, in my dream we wanted to see in this place so bad so we phoned up a real estate agent to show it to us. And the secret of the Mystery House... totally haunted from a series of horrific murders. It was a creepy dream. I had to wake myself up because it was getting to intense. I still want to see inside though. Maybe I will take a flashlight next time I go for a walk...

2006-01-26T13:28:00.000-09:00

Today when I was driving to school I ran over a giant rubber penis. I was as shocked as you are.

2006-01-18T13:16:00.000-09:00

Okay so I have decided that Vince Vaughn has to be my number two husband. First has to be John Mayer, and soon. I want to play with his animatronic monkey head before he gets rid of it. Insomnia has been a regular occurence for the past two weeks so I am getting a chance to catch up on my late night TV shows. Usually they are past my bedtime because I am a wuss and need at least 8 hours of sleep to function like a regular human being. The other night John Mayer was on the Jummy Kimmel show and he brought with him the most amazing invention known to modern man, an animatronic monkey head that works by remote control. Sweet. I am poor and can't afford my own monkey head, therefore I want to play with John Mayer's. And no, that is not a euphimism for something else.

2006-01-14T15:59:00.000-09:00

I forgot to mention something. I don't know if you guys know this but I am totally a jedi. So, watch your backs ya'll.

w00t! Hey, didja hear the news??

2006-01-14T15:44:00.000-09:00

Nothing is more satisfying than spending Saturday at school. Unless it is working at 6am in the morning then going to school and then going back to work for 6pm. MmmMmm, satisfying like an itchy scab.

Ohmigoodness, did you hear that Brangelina is pregnant? Who'da thunk it? I am convinced though that the child will be an abomination unto God. Not because of the whole Brad-Jen-Angelina debaucle but because no two people that beautiful should be allowed to breed. The child will be an unnatural thing. What with Brad's chisled jawline and Angelina's pouty pillow-like lips, the creature is sure to be so stunning that the universe will collapse in on itself. It will set a new standard in baby cuteness. Every child born after will look like a newborn hamster (damn those things are ugly) in comparison. Or the pendulum could swing the other way. With the combined hotness of the parents it might disrupt the delicate balance of the universe, creating some sort of hideous monster, like a minotaur or something. The only solution would be to create a labyrinth for the monster to live in. It is a sticky situation all right.

2005-12-13T12:43:00.000-09:00

Today I got a craving for MacDonald's. I am not sure why because normally I would rather eat a dumpster burger than a Mickey D's one. And after I order my McChicken and took the first bite I realized what a mistake I had made. Yuck! The only good part about my meal was the Nestea I ordered. Can't really screw that up.

So I am working on my last drawing of the semester. I am nearly finished and for some reason I am now finding it very hard to work. I just want to go home and have a little siesta. I don't really need one because I slept until 11am today. It is a glorious thing to not wake up to an alarm. To just sleep until your body wakes up naturally. And I also want to point out how great it is to not have any exams. Not. Even. One. Don't worry though, karma will catch up to me next year and I will probably have a bazillion and one. And then you are all free to point and laugh.

2005-12-08T11:55:00.000-09:00

Wanna know something weird? I am in the library, totally procrastinating, bumming around on the internet. There are like a million free computers. Well maybe not a million but like at least twenty. This girl walks in and sits right beside me. I am all nestled away in a corner. If I saw someone hiding in a corner my first instinct wouldn't be to sit next to them. Especially when there are tons of seats available. Maybe there is a reason they are sitting in a corner, at the back, where nobody can see them. My reason is pretty basic. I am just unfriendly. Well not actually but today I am feeling unfriendly and I don't want strange girls sitting beside me invading my personal bubble. It's just rude. Today I have an especially big personal bubble. Maybe this girl is stalking me and has been waiting for a chance all semester to sit next to me. She must be very sneaky because I have never seen her before. Maybe she is waiting for the computer lab to be empty so she can kill me and eat my skin, keeping a little piece of me inside of her forever. Gross. That is sick, strange girl sitting beside me. Little does she know, the computer lab is never empty AND I am really good at screaming. There would be people rushing in here before you even got a chance to clobber me with your unusually large purse. So yeah, I think I am pretty safe. Oh she just left. I must have made her nervous, what with my staring and all.

...in other weird news. I had a dream last night that my sister had an arranged marriage with Manager Chad. Gross.

It's time for an indie rock disco party...

2005-12-05T17:02:00.000-09:00

I just want to say fireworks=awesome. Also winter + fireworks = awesome to the nth degree. Why is that? Because to see winter fireworks you have to stand out in the cold, suffering. The suffering makes the fireworks much more satisfying. You feel like you have earned them. The city of Edmonton is lucky that I enjoyed their fireworks because their Christmas tree is very disappointing. However, I especially enjoyed when the tree did not light when Santa flipped the switch. Countdowns that go "...5...4...3..2...1...huh?" are absolutely delightful. And then the second try that went "...4..3..2...oh yay it is lit!" was also enjoyable. The tree itself though, disappointing. I also think that the greatest finale for the fireworks would have been the trees in Churchill Square lighting on fire. Fire also = awesome. Some of those fireworks came perilously close to the trees. But alas no fire, only fireworks.

I am at school right now "working". Oh boy, Christmas can't come soon enough. However, everyone in my family is expecting "art" as a gift. Once classes are done I don't think I will have the energy to do any more art. Plus I am really frustrated with the whole art school thing right now. It really sucks when what you love turns into the bane of your existance. Damn you art school, you are wrecking art for me! I think I need the Christmas break to take time and remind myself why I decided to put myself throught the torturous process of being trained as an artist. Man oh man, because right now it is looking like a silly decision to have made. But I could just be frustrated because I have spent probably over 10 straight days at school. That may be why I took a four hour lunch today.

2005-11-15T15:35:00.000-09:00

I cut my own bangs. I think it was a mistake. I am not exactly sure what possessed me to do it either. I was doing typical girl upkeep, tweezing the eyebrows and what not, when it occurred to me that scissors have the ability to cut hair. Meaning that if I possess scissors I could cut my hair. It was kind of a compulsion. Fairly benign as compulsions go. I could have gotten the urge to pull out my eyelashes or put my cat in the oven or something. Instead I just have strange bangs. I was worried if I tried to fix them last night I would eventually end up bald. Not a pleasant thought.

....cutting my own bangs is not really an important or even interesting story. I am just procrastinating. I really should be painting. Or possibly eating some sort of lunch/supper type meal. Yeah, I suppose I should go. Poo

Let me up on the bandwagon too!

2005-10-11T03:03:00.000-09:00

So, first update in a long time. My computer is STILL busted because well, funny story about that, you see it happened like this....and then, uh...so yeah. I am lazy.
I am not even going to write a real entry. What I am going to do is make a list like Erika and Cass. I love lists with a passion. I make them for everything. And for those of you out there who also love lists you should read High Fidelity by Nick Hornby.

(Okay, creepy sidenote. I am using the computers in the LRC at school and this girl keeps looking up over her computer at me. Weird.)

Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1. Go on a pilgrammage to all the famous cathedrals in Europe.
2. Create an enormous enviromental scuplture that puts Cristo to shame
3. Open a coffee shop/commercial gallery/studio for all those hip young bohos just trying to get by
4. Spawn a child and adopt one too
5. Live like a beach bum in some tropical paradise

Things I Can Do

1. Draw things from observation and have it actually look like real stuff
2. Make soup from scratch without following a recipe
3. Frame a door
4. Cry on command
5. Fool people with my bullshit

Things I Cannot Do

1. Paint things from observation and have it actually look like real stuff
2. Budget my time or my money
3. Dance
4. Math
5. Watch a movie at night without falling asleep

Things That Attract Me To The Opposite Sex
1. Confidence
2. A sense of whimsy
3. Beautiful strong shoulders
4. Messy unkempt hair
5. Compassion for their fellow human

Celebrity Crushes
1. Johnny Depp
2. Colin Firth
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Ray Fiennes
5. That guy from Our Lady Peace, yanno Rain something-or-other. He's beautiful.

I am not telling anyone else to do this. Because most of you have done it already. Oh and I noticed that Erika, Cass and I have all said we wanted to start some sort of artist sanctuary. We should hook up and put that into motion ladies.

2005-07-03T21:21:00.000-09:00

My computer is busted. I am in Saskatchewan mooching the parental's computer right now.

So I got a new job. One that pays a lot more than Second Cup. And I get to wear rubber boots and a hard hat! And red coveralls! Aw man, I am gonna be frickin' adorable. If I put ribbons in my hair to match my coveralls do you think that would be going a bit too far? Ooo, and I get to drive a work truck! Sweet ass mamba jamba! I am going to be spraying weeds around oil tanks all over rural Alberta. I am gonna have a beer in every small town within a 300km radius. First stop Edson! Which I am told is two hours away and you can see mountains! First I need to recertify my H2S safety course. Can't be tramping around oil wells all day long and not be aware of the sour gas. Nobody wants to end the summer dead! This new job means I will be away a ltd bankot. Don't miss me too much. So, I guess I have to tell the Cup that I am quitting for the rest of the summer. Hopefully they let my come back in September. Because as cool as weed spraying in red coveralls is I still like serving coffee. But not as much as I like kicking it with the people who work there of course!

Everything is comin' up Milhouse

2005-06-22T10:37:00.000-09:00

So exciting news guys! Every year Grant Macewan publishes a book filled with student works, drawings, poems, and what nots. The book is called Confluence I do believe. And guess whose little ol' drawing is going to be in there!! Not mine, that would be way too obvious. I kid I kid. It is mine! It is nothing spectacular, just a still life of apples and a cup. I always put apples in my still lifes. I am an expert at rendering an apple usually because that is the only thing I ever have in my house that is still life worthy. It was the only thing that I got an A on all year. Except for my first sculpture, which was pretty awesome. I am excited to see my drawing in print. The books will be available at the City Centre bookstore on July 4th at ten bucks a pop. Just in case you are also excited about it. I will have to buy my gramma one. Its mandatory if I ever want her to feed me cookies again.

Conor Oberst consols me tonight

2005-06-15T20:52:00.000-09:00

So I pretty much hate everyone in this goddamn city. Stupid city. I miss my smalltown where everyone is considerate and helpful. No one is in a hurry. No one ever honks their horn, unless it is to get a cow off the road. I hate the drivers in this city with a passion that burns with the heat of a thousand fiery suns.

So listen to my sad story...

Poor poor Veronica. She died in the Second Cup parking lot. I thought maybe it was because I needed to put oil in it. I know next to nothing about vehicles. I am pretty useless when it comes to mechanics. Unless you want me to hold something. Like a wrench. I can hold wrenches. Oil did not cure her ailments however. Turns out it was the battery. How did it die? I don't know. Old age I guess. Nothing was left on. The will of God caused my battery to die. Just like He caused my hamster to die. Sandra generously gave me a boost. We did everything right. We followed directions in a manual even. A frickin' manual!

So after the charging I depart. Because you have to drive for the battery to actually charge. I get half a block when Veronica dies. The poor baby won't even turn over. So I am in the right hand turning lane going south on 116st and 104ave. Half a block! Not even!!! My poor broken baby. And since the battery is dead, like stone cold, not enough power to operate a calculator, dead, my hazard lights don't work. So I put my hood up to make it obvious that my van is busted. I don't like blocking traffic for the hell of it. People are honking and shaking their fists. Like they think anger is going to give the van the power it needs. Like it was the Incredible Hulk or something. I have never used my middle finger so much. I guess people thought I must have purposely parked the van and got out to make them five minutes late for supper. What an evil mastermind I must be!

Luckily my parents got me a CAA membership. I don't know what I would do without that 1-800 number. So I call a tow truck. Mr. Tow Truck Man gets there as fast as he can. He puts a battery pack on and follows me to my apartment. He gets out and says, "Hey I recognize this place. Have I helped you before?"

"Yes," I admit sheepishly, "Two weeks ago."

"I thought your dad was suppose to fix this heap."

"Well he ditched me to go work in Yemen."

So, the very nice Mr. Tow Truck checks my battery with, I dunno, electrodes or something. Cleans the doohickeys. Breaks out the electrodes again. Then he says keep the engine idling at about 2000rpms for at least 15 minutes then later tonight take it for a drive on the highway so the battery can really charge. But even then he wasn't sure if the battery would hold a charge.

So, I do what he tells me. Go out to see Veronica and start her up again. Dying, dying, dying, dead. Dead dead dead. So say goodbye to Veronica. She will not be moving again for a while. Looks like I become a pedestrian once again. Oh well. Hopefully it stops raining.

I don't feel too bad. I am still angry at everyone who was so rude. I hope the same thing happens to them so they can feel how awful it is to sit there, not knowing what to do and with no one to help then while impatient idiots honk their horns and swear at them. But it is okay now, because I have the Conor Oberst's emotional tales to get me through the rest of the night.

2005-05-27T14:02:00.000-09:00

So tomorrow is moving day. I am so excited for my new apartment. I want to be there right now! Everyone is invited over for supper once I get everything unpacked and organized. I think Ninja is excited too even though he likes the box fort feel of this apartment. All I have left to pack is my bedroom and then I am done. Except for the cleaning, boo.

I have decided that once I graduate I am going to move to Vancouver and lead a bohemian life. You are all invited to join. I would be lonely by myself. We will eat vegetarian food and go to concerts and talk about how much cooler we are than everyone else.

Ooo! I have exciting news! Well, not really exciting at all, but... I got my pink mini ipod for my birthday. My family does love me! My uncle had to order it off the internet and put up with jeers from his coworkers as the pink box sat on his desk at work. It is truly a great invention. And it is pink! I am boycotting the white headphones though. They are uncomfortable. And to me they scream "mug me". Plus, in my mind wearing the white headphones are like carrying a Louis Vuitton purse or wearing a Parasuco shirt or something. There are just status symbols. And I don't like that at all. I don't want people to judge me because of my white headphones. Plus I like my grey headphones that are all covered in paint. They are comfortable and work well. But other than the headphones I highly endorse getting an ipod. They are so neat. I really enjoyed being able to use it in my van and listening to music non-stop all the way home from Lloydminster. Usually I am fiddling with CDs and my discman, driving like a moron and risking everyone's life around me. But with the ipod I can just plug it into the van and let it play. It's wonderful! And pink!

2005-05-17T21:04:00.000-09:00

Tomorrow I turn twenty-one. It seems ancient! I know that its not in reality but in my head it sounds really old. I am still younger than most of my friends, except for the ones that are, uh, younger than I am. I am taking myself shopping, hopefully down Whyte if the weather is nice. If it's not I guess I will settle and go to the mall. I am not doing anything terribly exciting tomorrow. Wednesdays are typically not a very exciting day. Friday is when the excitement happens. Birthday BBQ! So its a BBBQ. Oh man, am I ever clever. If you are reading this and haven't yet heard about the BBBQ then consider this your invitation. 7pm at Hawrleck Park. Unless the weather is gross and then I guess we cook hotdogs on my barbeque and sit in my living room on the floor and eat them. My living room recently got a lot bigger because my parents took away my couch for garage sale. Since it is just me and Ninja next year we don't need that monster-sized couch. Not to mention it was kind of ugly. I am going to replace it with a sofa bed of some sort. Hopefully a red one. The apartment that I am moving into at the end of the month is very cool indeed. I have wanted to live there since I first saw it. Kavi found it creepy that I was "casing the place". Is peeking in windows late at night creepy? I don't think so. I was just a very interested tenant. The place is called Balfour Manor and it is that ugly old building at the end of 116st that use to be a fire hall back in the day. You can read about the building here. I am very excited. I know the outside looks gross but the inside was nice. Except for the laundry room which was in the scary dark basement. I don't think I can wash clothes down there, it is too beginning-of-a-horror-movie like. But no worries, Katie has a washer and dryer in her condo and Melinda has the same in her house. I won't be walking around all smelly-like because I am scared of ghosties in the basement. And there are definately ghosties in this basement. The building was built in 1912. There are ghosts somwehere in that building. Ooh, spooky. Hopefully they are Casper-friendly and not Poltergiest-scary. Well, I have Ninja to protect me I guess.

Speaking of which, tomorrow is not only my birthday but also the one year anniversary of Ninja's arrival in Edmonton. I have had the little guy for one whole year. Except he is not really a little guy anymore. He was so tiny when I got him and now he is a big fat cat. However, he is still playful like a kitten, which makes him look kind of dumb sometimes. Right now he is sleeping in my empty dresser drawer. He curls up in there with his little paws curled up over his head. He is so cute it is almost unbearable. He's pretty much the coolest cat ever.

2005-05-10T00:28:00.000-09:00

Kavi left me on Saturday. Jerk. "But Alissa, I have graduated now. I can't stay here and play Super Mario World with you for the rest of my life!" Why not? I think it would be a pretty okay existance. Stupid Calgary. I didn't think that I would be this sad. When I had roommates I looked forward to having time all by myself. However, I think the reason was that I knew that they would be back eventually. And it just dawned on me that no one is ever coming back. Ever. I don't really want to live with any of my other friends. I don't want to be guilty of murder. So unless I find some sort of man type creature to share my existance, it is just me and Ninja from here on in. Ninja is a pretty good companion. He is a good listener and is a pretty entertaining little guy. I don't really like when he jumps on my head while I am sleeping but I suppose there are flaws in every friendship. He probably doesn't appreciate the fact that I had him neutered. He also probably doesn't like that all he ever gets to eat is kibble. Although today I caught him licking the butter. Gross.

Tomorrow I go look for my own personal Fortress of Solitude (or I guess today seeing as it is past midnight). I think that is what I shall dub the new apartment, Fortress of Solitude (aw sad). I tried calling this one the Batcave but it never really caught on. I would like to find a place that includes cable. I can't afford to have it on my own but it would be cool if it was included in the rent. I miss TV so bad. All I want to do is watch the Simpsons and CSI until my eyes fall out. Kavi took all her movies in the divorce so I am just going to watch Lilo and Stitch everyday all day. I realised last night as I tried to pick a movie that the ones I own are entirely too depressing. So Lilo and Stitch it is. I tried watching The Sixth Sense. Even though I have seen it a million times Puking Girl still freaks me out. Luckily I was on the phone with my mom so I was kind of distracted. Aw, it just dawned on me that next year I can never rent scary movies. I love scary movies but I can't watch them by myself because I am a big chicken. Even a boogeyman shield can't protect if you are all by yourself. Ninja is not much protection. He is not very ferocious at all. Although you should have seen him attack the bottle cap. Man oh man, it was like watching Animal Planet.

I should go to bed. I have to prepare myself for a week of early shifts. Getting up early everyday for the rest of the week means I will be all grumpy, and probably unshowered. Ew.

2005-04-25T15:00:00.000-09:00

So, I didn't get the job. Oh well. Sucks to be me. No I have to decide TODAY what I want to do for the summer. I don't know I don't know! I want to stay in the city but I can't afford to live on my own for the summer. I am freaking out a little bit and on top of that someone stole my cell phone. Well, they didn't steal it so much as I lost it and the people who found it won't give it back. Yesterday morning I thought maybe I put it down someplace funny when I came home from the bar so I called it so I could hear it ringing. It rang and rang and I couldn't hear it ringing in the apartment and then SOMEONE ANSWERED IT!! Not even with a hello, it was more of a "buh?" sound. I was so shocked all I could manage was a choked "Hello?!?!?" and then the bitch hung up on me!!!! So I called back and it rang and rang and rang until the operator came on and said "The person you are calling is away from the phone so stop calling you stupid loser." or something to that effect. I don't have voicemail so I couldn't leave a message or anything. I called back a third time and the girl had turned the phone off.

Kavi and I thought maybe I left it at this girl Andrea's house because I used it there to call a cab. We thought that perhaps I had left it on the counter and her roommates found it and didn't know what to do with it. So, I call it a fourth time (after we had gone for a coffee and bagel) and this girl answers. "Hello, by any chance does an Andrea live there?" I ask. "No," the girl says. "Are you talking on a cell phone?" is my next question. "Uhm, no you must have the wrong number. This is a house phone," and then she hangs up. I think perhaps I have mistakenly dialed the wrong number so I get Kavi to call from her cell phone where all she has to do is press a button that says "Alissa's cell". Kavi calls pretending that she is looking for me.

"Hey, Alissa. It's Kav."
"Excuse me?"
"Alissa?"
"No, you must have a wrong number."
"Isn't this Alissa's cell phone?"
"No this is a house phone." And hangs up again!

So I called Telus and got them to cancel the phone. So now the stupid bitches have a phone that is pretty much useless. Why not just give it back then. I wanted to phone it back and bitch them out but then I remembered they have our home phone number and all my friends phone numbers. So, it is better to just leave it be and go get myself a new phone. It just makes me so angry that someone would be so mean!!! Why? Why? I am a nice person! If I found someone's cellphone I would give it back to them. Its not like you can use it for yourself anyway! Grrrr!! I still can't wrap my brain around why someone would be so needlessly mean. I am filled with a rage that threatens to consume me. That girl better hope I never find out who she is. Rawr! I am not a very scary person until I get truly angry and then, ohmigod! Run for the hills! Ask my sister. It is a force to behold. Once again, rawr.

2005-04-17T09:32:00.000-09:00

So I still haven't heard back from the job I applied for. Stupid jerks. I guess I will phone and harass them on Monday.

Kav and I went to Hot Hot Heat on Wednesday. They were pretty awesome, along with The Futureheads who opened for them and some other band. Louis XIV I think they were called. All I know is the lead singer had Rod Stewart's haircut. I think he heard me say that too. He was in front of us hitting on some underage girls when I mentioned it. I know you are a rock star and all, but dude, your hair is ridiculous. Hot Hot Heat were pretty cool in their tight tight pants. I also made fun of the lead singer in HHH's hair. This ridiculous mass of curls, like a metrosexual 'fro on steriods. And the pants! Oh so tight! Which wasn't too too bad because he had the moves, man. No white guy should be able to moves his hips like that. It is unnatural. The crowd there was sooo young too. Much younger than Tegan and Sara. Kav and I thought we were the only two people over 18. It was really quite terrifying. We have decided that next time we go to an all ages show we are getting wasted, or high, or bringing swords to cut through the chaos, or something. Were we that stupid when we were fourteen?? I sure hope not. And if my kids turn out like that, it is back to the pit with them. So, when we go to the Killers we shall be armed with swords and ninja like reflexes.

2005-04-12T18:30:00.000-09:00

So I am the worst blogger ever. Next year I have to make sure to update it more often. Kavi has promised to create one as well. Because, sob sob sob, she graduates and is abandoning us all for the urban wasteland of Calgary. The jerk.

I find out tomorrow if I got the summer job I applied for. Its like the day before Christmas but a million bajillion times worse. Santa usually doesn't tell you that you aren't good enough and that you are getting zero presents. Man, this job would be so great to. Road tripping to small reserves and Metis settlements and teaching an art camp. Art and roadtrips all in one!!! How awesome is that. One place called Fort Chip is so remote you have to fly out there. And all your travel expense is paid for! The job is like $8600 for the summer. I am sure there will be way more that $8600 of work done and in the end it will probably be a jip, but c'mon! Art and roadtrips! Plus you don't go all by yourself. I think someone else travels with you that teaches a drama workshop. I have all this nervous energy stored up. And if only you could see me say "nervous energy". There are arm movements and facial ticks to emphasize it. And Kavi ditched me to go work on schoolwork so I have no one to take out all this energy out on. I have already baked cookies, cooked dinner and cleaned the apartment. Maybe I will go bother the people at the Cup and maybe mooch some drinks at the same time.

2005-03-07T11:29:00.000-09:00

I haven't written in here for a month because I have, uh, tennis elbow, or carpal tunnel syndrome or whatever. The fact that I am lazy has nothing to do with it.

School is getting really hectic and my superb procrastination techinquies don't really help. Notice how I am here instead of working? Since Katie has moved into her condo we have converted her room into a little mini studio which I have dubbed The Met. It is nice to be able to go in there and close the door. I put my little TV in there and the DVD player so I can watch Corner Gas (thanks Cass).

Ninja is getting so big! When he stretches out he is like a little person. A hairy orange person. And he is such a big suck. Aren't cats suppose to be independant? He hates being alone. Which I suppose is not too shabby. At least I don't have a snob cat. He likes to sit in front of the computer screen which makes it a little hard to type.

As for Erika's question. Arden is a cute boy at work, come to Edmonton and we can stalk him together. And my email address is pink_ajah@hotmail.com

I should go work now. I can feel it calling me.

The magic of martinis

2005-02-05T20:16:00.000-09:00

Isn't James Bond the classiest guy you can think of? Reflect on that one. Is there a more dapper guy you can think of? Nope. Do you know what it was that made him so magnetic, besides the tuxedo and sexy accent and the fact he could kill a man with his bare hands. It was the martini, man. It is like a magic elixir of charm. In most cases. Unfortunately I don't think the drink has quite the same power over us, my darlings. It was more like "let's tell the whole restaurant embarassing stories". But hey, we still looked like sex bombs.

Grant Mac's open house was the shiznit. Thanks for the "Deluxury", Cass. It is the only thing that got me through the day. If not for that I could have just curled up in a little ball in the corner of the studio. The mystery of the ingrediants were part of the drink's charm. I love the stupid question people ask at open house. Cheri told this one girl like ten times that we don't accept sketch books, so peddle your shit elsewhere. I told Cheri, "You should have given her the stupid label so that when she applies you know not to accept her." Man, I would have handed out so many stupid stickers.

Yeah, I don't think I am doing anything this evening. I am right pooped.

P.S. Don't tell Arden that I am crushing on him. That would be awkward. You may choose to tell him that I am stalking him if you fear for his personal safety.

2005-01-27T13:28:00.000-09:00

I got a haircut today. Man oh man, it was pamperish. Do you know what is the best part about going to a nice salon for a haircut? The head massage. It felt so nice that I thought I was going to tell the girl I love her.

I dyed my hair Rockstar Black last night (the actual name i think is Midnight Black but in the apartment we have dubbed it Rockstar Black). I knew that wasn't going to be enough of a change so I got it cut to. A rockstar hair cut to go with my rockstar haircolour. Worship me.

So Katie's parents are buying her a condo. I am so jealous I could shoot lasers from my eyes. But she is not allowed to paint and she is not getting nice furniture and she has to buy a couch with a hide-a-bed for when her parents come visit. But still, nice new condo. I am gonna live in my van down by the river, and hopefully Katie will let me sleep on her hide-a-bed. I figure I have enough friends in the city that I could just bounce from place to place, couch to couch. Nobody would let me be homeless right? Think of my baby cat. He couldn't survive a cruel life outdoors. He is much too spoiled. Naw, I will probably get an apartment of my own. All by myself. I will get to watch whatever I want on TV, walk around with no pants on whenever I want, and so on and so forth. Ah, that is the life.

2005-01-19T23:34:00.000-09:00

Remember those noisy downstairs neighbours of mine? Boy oh boy, they will never be noisy again. See, my trick was to wake up every night for three days at three o'clock in the morning and throw pebbles at their windows. Then the forth day I let loose a box of cockroaches into their apartment. Fifth day I went back to throwing pebbles. Sixth day I took up midnight tapdancing. Seventh day, one word, pipebomb. So, after a week they decided to move out. Too bad, I am sure we all could of been really good friends.

Okay, so none of that actually happened. Although, I would be lying if I said I hadn't fantasized about it. What actually happened is my friend Melinda laying down the smackdown. In capital letters. She LAID DOWN THE SMACKDOWN. A bunch of us were over here Saturday night. The basement dwellers were playing their music so loud that sitting on the floor was like an ass massage. Melinda works for a management company so she knows all about how to deal with noisy stupid morons. And man, let me tell you. These girls were moronic. When we got down there they were listening to that awful Ciara song "1,2 Step" and they answered the door in their lacy undershirts. Unless they were their trampy bar shirts. Either way, inappropriate. They didn't even get a chance to say, "Yo". Melinda went up one side and down the other. I was a little frightened. I went as the muscle but I think I was more of a hindrance. All I could do was say "Yeah" and "Word". But they important thing is no more crappy music. A happy ending all round.

I caught you a delicious bass

2005-01-13T21:30:00.000-09:00

So, how much of a loser am I? I just saw Napolean Dynamite yesterday. I found it highly amusing. I am gonna get me a shirt that says Vote for Pedro. And then I am gonna get me a shirt that says Phyllis because....I don't know why. I have spent a lot of time at school this week, you know injesting chemicals and what not. I think it may have made me more than a little crazy. And tomorrow I go to use power tools, because that is not a frightening thought at all.

2005-01-03T01:00:00.000-09:00

I am declaring a full out war on everyone that lives in this building. No one is safe...except for the people that live in here with me. Well they may or may not be safe, but if I was declaring a war on Katie and Kavi I would not publicly announce it. I would keep it locked in my head.

P.S. I have no current plans to declare war on Katie and Kavi, just everyone else

P.P.S. Both movies were highly enjoyable

Dedicated to Cass

2005-01-02T18:08:00.000-09:00

I start school on Wednesday. How much of a rip off is that? At least I get to use power tools. Actually I am afraid of them. I took Industrial Arts in junior high and I was not very good at it. I was good at drafting, photography and metalwork but I was kind of a spaz when it came to having to saw two pieces of wood in half. For the safety of everyone involved I decided not to use the powertools and just settle for a less than stellar grade in that portion. Maybe this year it will be different in sculpture, especially if I am creating "art". Yippee skippee

I made cream of potato soup for supper. Actually made it from scratch. It turned out very delicious. Katie got this bag of pototoes from her boss like a month ago. They have all grown eyes and have started to look questionable. I want to use them all up rather than waste them. I made a ginormous batch of hamburger soup the other day and now I have potato soup. So, if anyone wants some soup. Drop me a line. I promise it will only bring you happiness, with maybe a side affect of death. I don't really like touching the eyes because they are kind of like potato penises. I don't like that picture in my head.

I am gonna go watch movies now. I rented Anchorman and the third Harry Potter. Sandra and Bree have both promised me that Anchorman is pee-in-your-pants funny. They better be right or else they have some 'splaining to do.

P.S. I just want everyone to know that my cat is frickin' adorable. And if you every get a cat he will never compare to The Lttle Orange Ninja. So just be prepared for the disappointment

Lenny's kicking it with Superman

2004-12-29T23:29:00.000-09:00

I thought it was time to write a new entry. I need something to take my mind of the inconsiderate jerkfaces downstairs. Why must they play their music so loudly?!?! If I don't keep my hands busy I am going to go kung fu on their asses. And then I am going to go school the resident manager for not clueing in the drunken idiots downstairs when I told her the first three times. "Well, we generally let the noise rules slide on weekends," she said. Well, forgive if I am wrong but I believe today is Wednesday. And even if it wasn't playing your music so loud that is is shaking my floor is not cool, even on a Friday. Why don't I just go tell them to turn it down myself. Well I am just one little person. What if there are many big angry people down there? I need backup of some sort. My plan is to wake up early tomorrow morning, flip my speakers to my stereo over so the are pointing towards the floor, pick the song with the most bass, and crank the volume. Kavi and Katie have warned me against doing so. They don't want to start a music war. But listening to three hours of awful dance music will do strange things to a person's mind. Maybe I will get up tomorrow morning at six and decide I want to Riverdance? Or nail pictures to my floor? Or throw rocks at their windows. Ah, but if the window breaks, now that is bordering on vandalism, which we all know is illegal (if you are caught).

The radioman told me that it is estimated that over 100,000 people will die as a result of the earthquake and tsunami, that is not counting the people who will die of disease. One hundred thousand people, the number is unfathomable. A total of eleven countries were affected. All the way to Somalia! Kavi's parents are in Sri Lanka right now. The first time her mother has been back to visit her family in twenty-seven years and the biggest natural disaster in history happens. Merry Christmas. Her parents are fine, by the way. Poor Kavi had to find out about the disaster from our dear friends Kat, who really is a dear but is the biggest drama queen in the history of the world. And it didn't help that after Kat told her, Kavi couldn't get a hold of her parents right away. But they are fine and her family in Sri Lanka are fine. Her dad said that the capital of Colombo is like one giant funeral home. Awful.

It is hard to comprehend a catastrophe of such magnitude. I can barely wrap my brain around the numbers. And, on top of everything, Jerry Orbach died. You know, Lenny from Law and Order. Succumbed to prostate cancer.

On a happier note, I think the music stopped.

Wassap?!

2004-11-30T10:27:00.000-09:00

I cleaned my room and now I don't want to leave. It is nice in here. I hung my hats on the wall and I think tonight I will hang my picture of the 25 cent Peep Store. Oooo, yeah. Classier than a Rembrandt. But see, the nice thing about the picture of the Peep Store is that I took the picture, developed the negative, and printed the picture all by myself. It has a story behind it, plus it is just so weird.

In other news...

The Cup has recieved your postcard, Nathan. It was nice to know that you are not just an entity that exists solely on the internet. Entities can't write postcards. There now exists physical proof that Nathan is still alive, at least he was when he wrote the postcard. Who knows what has happened since then...

Would it be wrong to email a Christmas list to my parents? They have been bugging me for what I want. But I don't think you should tell people what kind of presents you want. It seems wrong. If you tell them what to get you they may as well just give you money to go out and buy it yourself. But I guess a list cuts down on the gifts that you didn't need or want. However, I didn't give a list last year and I got all this cool appliance-y stuff. And it was a total surprise. I don't really want anything big anyway, just a couple of movies and books. And maybe a digital camera if my family is feeling generous. What I would really like is for someone to pay my rent, or maybe my tuition, or my art supplies. Those are the things I actually need. I am so poor. Everyone is getting homemade Christmas gifts. I don't think anyone will complain...it is the thought that counts, isn't it?

Well now I have to get ready for another "fun-filled" day at school. Super.

2004-11-12T20:42:00.000-09:00

For those inquiring minds who want to know, the new Tegan & Sara is highly enjoyable. I got a haircut today that I don't much care for (that will learn me to get a discount haircut) so to make myself feel better I bought some CDs. The haircut isn't bad or anything, it is just not good. Oh, well. I will give it a month and go and get it cut again to something that will live up to my vision of the ultimate hairdo.

I went to my little brother's hockey game this evening. It was sad, oh so sad. They lost 10 to 1. Ouch. I don't much care for hockey. So I mostly read my book (Culture Wars, an in depth look at controversy in the arts. Mostly to do with the NEA and Robert Mapplethorpe, in care you were wondering) and listened to my new CDs (Tegan & Sara and Nelly Furtado, also in case you were wondering). My mom has the loudest screaming voice ever. Ever. I forbid her from bringing her "clappers", which in reality are two long boxes that she bangs together to make most awful banging noise. So to make up for it she shrieked loud enough to make banshees cover their ears. But I guess it was okay seeing as Aaron's team only got one goal. Not much cause for celebration.

Tomorrow I head back to E-town because I have mad amounts of procrastion to do, I mean schoolwork. Yeah.

2004-11-11T16:44:00.000-09:00

I went and saw The Grudge and goodness gracious was it ever scary. Well in reality I missed every scary part because I hid in my sweater. Every time my sister got scared she threw popcorn in the air. There was popcorn everywhere, kinda gross. Man oh man, I am still shakin' in my boots.

In other news, I am boycotting Christmas until at least December. It is only early November and everywhere I go it is Christmas already. Why oh why?! It is suppose to be twelve days of Christmas, not 8 weeks. I am also going to boycott malls until at least the end of January. I hate going to the mall when every stupid person is there to buy gifts. And while we are on the topic of boycotts, I am also boycotting people who have stupid MSN names. I am a friend on my MSN list right now whose name is "its offical. the votes are tallied. the girls think I look like nick lachey". No you don't! Who are these girls and where did they get their backyward lobotomies done?! But yeah, last week his MSN name was "the votes are in. i am a sex god." So we know that the election is obviously rigged. Speaking of rigged elections...It is okay that George Bush won guys. Why switch horsemen in the middle of the Apocalypse? Besides none of it will matter when I declare myself Queen of the Universe next fall.

I think I am going to go the the Emily Carr Institute after I am done at Grant Macewan. I am going to live in a van down my the ocean and eat clams all day long. Do they have clams in Vancouver? Are the edible? I am not sure I even like clams...

This is a long un' guys

2004-10-27T21:17:00.000-09:00

I figure you guys all needed a coherent life update. Always the thoughtful one, me.

Last Saturday I had an adventure and a half. My friend Kat and I went out to take some pictures. I needed them for a photography assignment and Kat just wanted to come along. Well actually I asked her to come so I didn't look like some insane tourist. I wanted to get some good contrasting pictures of affluent Edmonton and ghetto Edmonton. The assignment was supposed to be a study of composition using urban architecture. I figured the good people of Riverbend would not want me prowling around their yards so I decided to prowl around the Hotel MacDonald. I would never have the courage to do this if not for Erica. Props to you. Our first stop was the washroom, because, well, it was urgent. And then we basically just wandered all around. No one seemed to think that it was weird that two girls decked out in bunnyhugs and big clumsy cameras were laying across the staircase trying to figure out what the best composition would be. Kat has this fancyass expensive camera with all the doodads and whirligigs on it. Mine performs the basic functions of a 35mm SLR camera. When you think about it cameras have not really changed. Even though mine is held together by duct tape and says "Official Camera of the 1984 Olympic Games" on the lens, it still does all the same things as Kat's.

I was outside getting some pictures of the gargoyles and the towers so I was looking up. Kat was like, "Wow that would be a great picture!" So she started looking up. Then these two joggers stopped and they started looking up. I love the sheep mentality. They asked what we were looking at. Nothing really. But in retrospect I wish I had said "a pterodactyl".

After that we went to the Shaw Conference Centre. They were having a wine tasting show. We tried to sneak in but no dice. Security was tight man. Then we went to the Canada building, which is unsettling when nobody is there. Hopefully my pictures of an empty food court turn out sufficiently creepy.

After the Canada building we crossed 97 Street (dramatic reverb, ba ba buuuum). Kat couldn't believe that it only took one street for the city to completely change. I took some pictures of the flat iron building, which I think is called the Gibson building, but I am not sure. And then, of course, I couldn't miss the opportunity to take pictures of the 25cent Peeps. How awesome is that building. We even worked up the courage to go in!! It smelled bad. They had a big selection of movies catering to ever fetish. "Why does that girl have a penis?!" Kat cried. Because, duh, we were in the transsexual aisle. We did not, however, watch a peep, because, ew gross.

We walked down an alley and got some good pictures of fire escapes and graffiti. I love graffiti. One said, "Fuck the cops". Man oh man. Then we came back to my apartment and proceeded to drink 7 bottles of wine. How classy is that? Shameful, dude, shameful. I made a wickass stirfry, it had shrimp and beef and fresh snowpeas and peanuts. Man I went all out. We even had pie. Two kinds. There were five of us for dinner. I figured we would each have a glass of wine with dinner. However, Kat brought two bottles, Melinda brought two bottles. And by the time we finished those we thought we needed to get another two bottles. So, uhm, yeah. But I still managed to get up at 5:30am so I could make it to work in the morning. Yes, I am an idiot. But I made it through the day like a trooper.

...this is gonna be a long entry, be prepared.

So I saw a wickass awesome band yesterday. Muse! They travelled all the way from England just to play for me. Yup, just for me. That makes for a better story in my head... The openers were a band called Evening from San Francisco. They were also pretty good. And it was a nice touch that they apologized for the last 4 years. But, Muse totally rocked the hizzouse. So many strobe lights I had a seizure every song. Bass so loud that I think the blood vessels in my heart burst. However, their t-shirts cost forty-fuckin'-dollars. I still bought one though. It was hot pink!! How could I refuse?!? If you ever get a chance to go see Muse, do! They put on awesome shows, even in a crappy venue like Red's.

Today, we had the most fascinating discussion in my Contemporary Art Issues class. If that sentence made you fall asleep then perhaps you won't want to read the following paragraph. We were talking about modernity versus postmodernity. An interesting discussion in itself (because I am a big fat dork). Anyway, this guy Norm came up with the ultimate artist statement. I am so jealous I didn't think of it first. We were talking about the Mona Lisa and how really, when you go see the painting, it is really just a disappointment. It is behind glass, there are a million people all trying to look at in, you can't get close to it, and it is small. The Mona Lisa is not about art anymore it is about hype. So why not destroy the Mona Lisa? Good ol' Mona has destroyed the integrity of art. Really when you think about art what comes to mind, the Mona Lisa of course. It is a symbol for western art. It has set an unattainable bar. The Mona is here and everyone else is over there. The painting itself has no monetary value. And really, in our society that is how we assign value to something, by saying how much it cost. The painting is not even insured because if it ever got stolen or destroyed, what would you do with your millions of dollars? Go buy a new one? Setting fire to The Mona Lisa would be the ultimate critique on art. Its destruction would be the highest form of art and would open the door for truly new art to be made. Nothing against Mr. Da Vinci or anything, but the destruction of the Mona Lisa would only benefit the art world. All of the methodologies surrounding art would have to be reformed. Man oh man. Of course this is a controversial undertaking. You can't destroy the Mona, it's sacred? But why? Because someone tells you it should be? People don't even talk about the painting itself anymore, they talk about the culture that has formed around it. You can't even look at the painting critically anymore. You examine its effect on the world. Yeah, so that was our discussion. Everyone disagreed with Norm, except for me. I think it is the most brilliant idea I have ever heard. I am so upset I can't take credit for it. Poo.

Am I a bad person if I am totally addicted to Gwen Stefani's new single? Yeah, I thought so.

2004-10-23T22:04:00.000-09:00

I made this major long post the other day about paintings in the alley. Did it show up or did I hallucinate?

2004-10-23T22:00:00.000-09:00

So jist of the story is, make sure you and your friends do not drink five bottles of wine

2004-10-22T23:13:00.000-09:00

Someone should take me to go see The Grudge. Not like a date or anything, just pay for my ticket. We don't even have to sit together if you don't want to. I am just poorer than poor. I owe the bank money, I am so poor. Hence, that is why I am at home on a Friday night (although there were four episodes of CSI back to back and then a new Third Watch, why would I need to go anywhere?) I really want to see The Grudge, it looks scary and not just because it has Sarah Michelle Gellar in it and she terrifies me (she is a cyborg, fo' shizzle, creepy) . And I also wanna see Saw (seesaw...how funny) and I Heart Huckabees. I can pay you in meatballs if you take me to these movies. I make good meatballs. With gravy even. Delicious gravy.

2004-10-06T10:08:00.000-09:00

I went to a keg party on Saturday night. Going to one of those always reminds me of highschool. There is always that nonsensical drunk drama. I drove and I promised my friends rides home so I wasn't drinking. I am not sure if drunk people realize how stupid they really are. The party was hosted by a couple of friends who live in a little house by the university. When I got there after work the house was so full I practically had to crowd surf my way in. I found my friends in the kitchen and as soon as a got there some first year (who nobody seemed to know) started throwing up in the garbage can beside me. Isn't that nice? Man, I could never have that many people in my house. I would go on a murderous rampage. Nobody is allowed to throw up in my apartment except for me, and maybe my roommates if they get correct papers signed.

Ryan, one of the guys who is hosting the party, elbowed his way into the kitchen. I said, "Hey, how's it going?"
"Not too well. I am dealing with issues."
"Oh! Do tell!"
"Naw, I can't they are roommate issues."
Well I found out later that Ryan's roommate issues were that one of his roommates and two girls just had a threesome on his bed. Apparently aforementioned roomate was not able to use his own room because that is where the kegs were being kept. That is one hell of a roommate issue!! Is there no debauchery as entertaining as drunken debauchery? The answer is no, no there is not. I think if either of my roommates ever dared to do anything like that in my room I wouldn't be having roommate issues I would be having where-do-I-hide-the-bodies issues.

When Campus 5-0 showed up because someone had set a dumpster on fire across the street I decided it was time to go. My drunken friends and I decided on some late night Humpty's. They wanted Denny's but I said, "No dice". Sometimes the service there is absolutely awful. Marc ordered some kind of Mexican egg thing and the girl had no idea what he was talking about. She looked at us like we were playing a trick on her. But no, the Huevos Rancheros is really on the menu. We are not playing some cruel trick on you because you are stupid. I like my food sans spit, thank you.

This month is Alissa's "Be Extra Nice to Police Offices" Month. Driving back from Humpty's I made a very illegal left hand turn right in front of a police car. So in gratitude for not pulling my stupid ass over and giving me a ticket I am being extra nice to every police officer I see in hopes that eventually I will be extra nice to the police officer, who instead of pulling me over, just kept driving. So thank officers of Edmonton. You rock.

In other news, Paris can't seem to remember to shower and Nikki is depressed because no one wants to be her friend.

Inquiring minds want to know...

2004-09-30T22:53:00.000-09:00

I bought Sims 2. I couldn't wait for my tips. The game was just sitting there, all tempting-like, at Staples. "Buy me," it said, "Don't worry about the money. Buy me now. Why wait?" Yes, why wait? And let me tell you guys, it is frick-in awesome. Screw school and work and friends, I don't need my own life because I am God to these little computer people. My first characters are Paris and Nikki Hilton and the live at 132 Skank Ave. Their mission is to corrupt the peaceful town of Pleasantview. The inside of their house kind of resembles a bordello. I forsee many a-happening part-ays going down at the Hilton house. So this is the end of my life as I know it. My whole day now revolves around making my little Sims miserable. The game is like crack. Katie played it the other day for like two hours. I guess that kind of makes me her drug dealer. She spent two hours building a house but then didn't save the game. "This way maybe I will remember how long the process was and think twice about playing," she said. But I could see her looking longingly back at the computer. I am worried that I am going to wake up in the middle of the night and look over to see Katie sitting at my computer. That would be creepy. Man, the game is addictive.

2004-09-26T11:18:00.000-09:00

When I get my tips at the end of the month I think I am going to buy the Sims 2. That would be the ultimate in procrastination. I had the first Sims game. I used it to test run the living situation with the roomies. This was when our friend Kat was going to live with us and we were debating whether or not to get a house. Kavi set the house on fire repeatedly. I was the house whore with everyone within a two block radius falling in love with me, including Kat and Katie. Many amusing fights occurred. Then I married the creepy guy and we adopted a kid. Katie was a doctor and Katlan was an actress. All in all, the Sims provided a realistic view of what life could have been if we had all lived together. I think the Sims 2 would help me achieve my maximum procrastination level. I like to be operating at 100%. Plus with two other people in the apartment you can't always just park yourself in front of the television. Especially not when Kavi likes to watch soap operas and crappy shows on Lifetime or with Brett and Katie watching some boring soccer game. I will buy the Sims 2 and I will be those little computer people's god. When I would play the Sims I would get bored and drown people in the pool or set them on fire just to make life interesting for them. Have you guys ever played Zoo Tycoon? Man, that is the cutest game. What with all the little caged up animals. The greatest thing about that game is putting flamingos in with lions. Yup, quality entertainment.

Today we are going to my gramma's house for a barbeque. So I had better go get prettified so I am ready to leave at noon. I hope she made a cake. That would be the ultimate of awesome.

2004-09-25T10:17:00.000-09:00

I am not deleting that last post. Who knows, maybe it was the start of something magnificent!! Maybe "c" stands for cure-for-cancer. Maybe instead of the Ultimate Question of Life being answered by 42, the answer is actually "c". But I guess we will never know.

I am at home in good ol' Neilburg. Apparently there is a wedding going on tonight. A regular ol' shinding. I have not decided whether or not I am going. I don't really like the people from my town. Spending an evening drinking with the entire town doesn't sound like an evening well spent to me. And guareenteed the entire town will be there. Wedding dances are importnant social outings in a small town. Plus who can resist a toonie bar!

In further non-important news, I don't know how I feel about the new Dorito Rollitos. If they taste exactly the same as a normal Dorito chip why would I want to eat this new fangled rolled up chip? Why wouldn't I just buy normal Doritos. I don't have to worry that ingesting them will explode my stomach. So I am just gonna stick to regular Doritos, thank you very much.

And in conclusion, I wish I was American only so I could eat Bush ketchup on my Freedom Fries.

2004-09-21T18:49:00.000-09:00

2004-09-14T20:53:00.000-09:00

This entry is just for Russ so nobody else read it! Just kidding, it is fair game for everyone. I got told that I should update more often. The smackdown was indeed laid down.

I just finished reading a riveting essay titled The New Art Criticism. It was just as interesting as the title indicates. After four months of reading nothing but Vogue, NME, and a little Irvine Welsh thrown in for flavour, actually having to read and comprehend something academic was a struggle. And I have to at least pretend like I understood what the essay was getting at because we are discussing it in class tomorrow and since there are only 12 people in the class I can't just slink down into my seat and feign ignorance. Plus I had to bullshit my way through a little summary of the article. However all you need for a summary is to ready the introduction and conclusion. Voila, all the pertinent points of essay laid down nicely for you.

A negative part of only having 12 people in your class is that it makes it virtually impossible to fall asleep unnoticed. If you stick me in a darkened room and show me slides for hours it is guaranteed I am gonna nod off. Actually I just kind of zone out with my eyes open. I look like I am coherent but actually all switches are in the off position. Once in a physics class at the university I feel asleep right in the front row. Why were you sitting in the front, you ask. Are you some sort of losery keener? Nope, I am a back of the room kind of girl. You can fall asleep, doodle, or even slip out unnoticed. However, I had dislocated my patella (Oh, the terminology, it hurts me. Kneecap for you laymans) and was in a full leg cast. So I was sitting in the front so I could prop my cumbersome leg on a chair. Physics is not the most exciting class ever invented. I feel asleep, my elbow slipped of one of those stupid little desks in the V-wing, and I catapaulted my books across the room. So I had to get up in front of everyone, including the professor, and hobble my way over to get them and then hobble my way back. A proud proud day it was.

Neither of my roommates are home. I got home at 6pm and there has been no sign of them. When they are not home I like to pretend I live alone. Its nice. I can watch whatever TV show I want, talk to myself (and no one says I am crazy or tries to eavesdrop), walk around with no pants on (although I am wearing pants, you never know when they are gonna be home). Sometimes I think I would like to live alone, but I get lonely to easily. Plus, what if I saw a spider?! Who would kill it for me?? I am not quite sure where Katie and Kavi could be. I can only assume that they are dead. In that case, I am sad. When they return (back from the dead ala Jesus) I will rejoice. In the meantime I am going to to de-stinkify myself by having a shower. And I am going to sing while I am in there, because there are no roommates to make fun of me. I don't care what the neighbours think. If they think I am crazy maybe they will stop being so noisy in fear that I am going to fire a gun through my ceiling and into their apartment.

2004-09-07T22:03:00.001-09:00

Blogger just ate my enormo-long post. All I can say is, fuck you blogger. I'm going to bed.

2004-09-07T22:03:00.000-09:00

I was coming out of Safeway after just buying groceries when this lady came up to me. She said that they (I don't know who the other person was. She looked like she was all by herself) had hitchhiked from North Battleford to Edmonton and they just needed money to eat. I said, I'm sorry I don't have any change, and then I remembered that I had a loonie in my pocket that I had mistakenly pulled out instead of a quarter for the shopping cart. So I gave her the loonie, knowing full well that it probably won't be used on food. Instead it will probably go towards cheap liquor. I said I am from Saskatchewan as well. She just blinked and walked away. Sometimes I am bipolar in my thinking towards panhandlers. Some days I think to myself, "If I give them money then that is just contributing to their delinquency." But other days it is like, "Hey if drinking Listerine is what gets them through the day then all the power to them." It's like Sheryl Crow says, "If it makes you happy it can't be that bad." But I suppose no one is happy living on the streets. I am always curious as to why people end up living on the street. Lots of people have shitty beginnings but things turn out all right. Lots of people start out with a perfectly normal life but it ends up in the crapper. My grampa's mistress's (that's a story in its own) ex-husband lives on the street now. He was an abusive alcoholic and she eventually ended up kicking him out. I guess he hit rockbottom and now he lives on the streets of Edmonton. I wonder if I have seen him. If I saw him I think I would say, "You are an ass and your wife's a whore." But I am all talk, I would never say that. His life sucks enough as it is. Plus I am not that much of a bitch.

Today was my first day of school. You remember your first year of university? You buy all your school stuff way ahead of time, spend the night before arranging your stuff, filling your binders full of looseleaf, putting color coded dividers in, filling a pencil case. I got ready for school today in fifteen minutes. I made sure my clipboard had some paper in it and I grabbed the first pen I could see. Plus I was armed with my discman for the bus ride. Discmans are essential for any bus ride. It keeps crazy people from talking to you. There is nothing that I hate more than being ambushed by crazy people on the bus. Especially when the bus is crowded.

I should go to bed. Work and school tomorrow. I don't think I am ready for so much excitement after bumming around all summer...

What Became of the Likely Lads?

2004-09-01T23:30:00.000-09:00

So I bought the new Libertines album yesterday. As soon as I listened to it any bad thing that had ever happened to me from that point forward got forgotten. The album won't explode your head with awesomeness, it rocks the universe with its subtle greatness. So now that I have the album actually in my posession I can stop being so creepily obsessive. What do I have to obsess about now?! Actually there is this one thing bothering me. There is this person that has recently got back in contact with me. He added me to his MSN list. We had this nice little arrangement: don't talk to each other for months, hang out and be friends, and then don't talk again for months. I thought this was a good arrangement. You know the type of person that you are like, "Aww, I miss them" and then you hang out with them and you realize there was a reason you stopped wanting to be around them in the first place? Does it make me a bad person if I think, "What the hell does he want from me?" when we are supposedly suppose to be friends? What it boils right down to is that most of the human race is made of freaks and psychos and I am friends with a lot of them.

Okay, were you guys paying attention when the guy that I think is so beautiful walked into The Cup? Man, I think he is beautiful. Kavi kept making the mistake and calling him cute. He's not cute, he is beautiful. Like I want to sit-him-down-and-draw-him beautiful. No one else can seem to see this though. I can understand that though. He actually makes me speechless. Isn't that a feat? But then of course as soon as he leaves I gush about him. I am a silly girl.

The ants are back in my apartment with vengeance. Hopefully they disappear come wintertime. I think of myself as their cruel overlord. But I think they are planning an insurrection. I was eating a good ol' bowl of Lucky Charms this morning and I saw one on my table, so I squished him. And then I saw another one, and then another one, and then another one. The little buggers just kept materializing. Whenever I see one on my desk or my table I squish it with my finger. However, there is this one little guy in my bathroom that I let live. He just crawls around the bathroom tile. I kind of like him. We are interspecies homies. I think that little guy is the only thing stopping the ants from taking over the apartment. Ninja won't eat ants. Not even the little ones. He did catch his first fly last night, though. He even ate it. Very gross.

Oh and by the way, Erika's violin playing rocked the universe in a not-so-subtle way. It was definately explode your head awesome. E-Dawg, you most definately rock.

2004-08-29T11:49:00.000-09:00

Something wonky is going on inside my computer. My Norton Antivirus isn't working quite as it should. So why am I on the internet then? Because I am a silly stupid person.

So Kavi is all moved back in. Her parents are staying with us for the weekend. Today they had a wedding to go to in Sherwood Park. Apparently Indian weddings start bright and early. This wedding started at 9am! That's craziness, man. I made Kavi promise that when she eventually gets married that I get to wear a sari and I also want to wear a gold chain from my nose to my ear, just to take full advantage of my nose piercing. I know it will come in handy one day. Arranged marriages boggle my mind. Kavi's parents' marriage was arranged but they were married in Sri Lanka so I suppose things are different over there. Kavi can choose whether or not she wants an arranged marriage. I still can't wrap my brain around it.

Hey guess what guys!!!! Tomorrow is August 30th!! And you know what happens on August 30th?!? The new Libertines album is released! And yes I know you can download the whole thing on the internet but there is something nice about having the actual cd in your possession, to love and cherish. Plus, you know, supporting the band that you adore. Katie, who worked at HMV, said that new music gets released on Tuesdays. But why would NME lie to me like that, saying the album is out on Monday? Perhaps it is because it is a UK magazine and a British band and we all know things over there are crazy. C'mon, they drive on the wrong side of the road for Pete's sake. And eat weird inedible things. It's just not normal.

Yesterday a customer said my hair looked cute. And then when I came home Kavi asked, "What did you do to your hair?"
"It rained as I was walking home, jerk," I replied.
"No, I mean it looks really good today."
I thought that it was weird that I got two compliments about my hair from two totally unconnected people. It is kind of making me paranoid. Do I have an exceptionally ugly head and people are like, "Oh wow, look at her wierd hair we should say something nice to make her feel better." Yeah I know. I'm dumb...

2004-08-29T02:09:00.000-09:00

You guys will be happy to know that I have fixed the internet and saved the world once again.

2004-08-25T12:00:00.000-09:00

Yesterday was the worst day of work ever! Well, maybe not ever but it was at least second, or maybe third. For one it was busy, even though when I cashed out the till they deposit didn't seem extra large. I blame crappy Icy Tuesday. Yeah, so we were busy and rushing around trying to get everything done, plus do the stupid cleaning. THEN, the stupid dishwasher decides to explode. Well the dishwasher didn't really explode, in retrospect that would have been much cooler. The stupid machine just wouldn't work. So we had to wash all the dishes by hand. Pretty crappy deal. Rawr.

I think my dear sister and her friend Nicole are coming down for Ookfest. If I had the forty-ish dollars it cost I would attend as well. But I have to save my money because I am sending vibes to Modest Mouse and Metric to come back to Edmonton. Hopefully if they decide to drop by E-town I will have the moola to go see them. I am still kicking myself for not going to see David Bowie. I have a Visa, it's like fake money! I could have used it. But I couldn't really justify spending over 80$ to go see The Bowie when I just spent like 80$ on shoes. Shoes I can wear and love forever. I have a memory like a goldfish and I would have forgotten the concert by the same time next week plus I would be out 80$. Also, EIGHTY DOLLARS! That is way to frickin' expensive to go see a guy sing. Yes Mr. Bowie I love you and I know you are a legend, but EIGHTY DOLLARS! I promise if I ever become a rich and famous rockstar my concerts will not cost eighty dollars, unless the concert is taking place on the moon. Then they may cost eighty dollars, but I will take you guys to Red Lobster or something afterwards.

It's all about the music, man...

2004-08-23T21:28:00.000-09:00

I am so frickin' excited for school to start. Not for the whole going back to school part, but the fact that everyone moves back to Edmonton. Truthfully, I am excited to go back to school. Who wouldn't be excited for a whole day of photography? I am going to be so useless when I graduate...

My friend Bonnie is back in the city next Tuesday. I love going out with Bons. We always have a story to tell afterwards. Like the friend we made one Friday night during an adventure down Whyte. We were walking from Lister to Filthy McNasty's to meet people. A walk that should have taken us like 20ish minutes lasted for two hours. We were busy talking to our new friend Thabull, pronounced Tah-bull. I remember that because we couldn't understand what he was saying.

"Tah-bull."
"Terrible? That's a weird name."
"No, its Tah-bull."
"Terrible?"
"Tah-bull."
"Ooo, Terrible."
"No no, T-H-A Bull. Pronounced Tah-bull."
"Still a weird name..."

He wanted our debit cards. Well at first he wanted money for the bus but when we told him that all we had was debit Thabull replied that debit was just fine with him. We could go to a debit machine, take out 20$ and he could take a taxi instead of the bus. We told him no way, he could walk his ass downtown if he was going to get greedy. Then he tried to sweet talk us by saying we had pretty hair and nice clothes. He was especially partial to my jelly bracelets. You meet so many "interesting" people down Whyte. We also got invited to two different house parties that evening. I guess we were extra friendly that night. But really, we would have to be pretty brain-dead to accept an invitation to some strange guy's house. Once as a friend and I were bumming around the big metropolis that is Lloydminster these two guys tried convincing us to go with them by saying, "We're not rapists or anything." Riiiight....definately not rocket scientists or anything either.

I have a mission to complete tomorrow. Actually I have two missions. Number one is buy milk. I want to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast, and maybe lunch. Number two is find the proper cord for my Super Nintendo. I brought it from home but it is missing the cord that plugs into the back of the TV. Katie and I nearly cried when we went to plug it in and there was no cord. All we wanted to do was play Super Mario Allstars! We tried to doctor a cord to fit, but we chickened out of actually plugging it into the TV, fearing electrocution. I am not sure where I am going to find a cord for a Super Nintendo. I am hoping there is a pawnshop that has one for sale. If that fails I am going to go to Radio Shack and tell them, "I got this problem see...now don't laugh". I hate the people at Radio Shack. They are always jerks. Hopefully one of the many pawnshops around here has what I need. I want to play Mickey Mouse's Magical Quest so bad.

Man, I could go for some Lucky Charms right now...

2004-08-22T21:57:00.000-09:00

I spent a nice relaxing weekend at home. So relaxing, I didn't even have to do my own laundry. I knew my mom secretly enjoyed washing my clothes. I am glad to be back in Edmonton. I missed Ninja Cat. He got fatter since I left. He is an emotional eater as in he eats when he is lonely. I told that to the cashier at Petcetra to explain why I was buying so much catfood. She just looked at me funny even though it makes perfect sense.

I went to go see the Exorcist: The Beginning, or whatever it is called. It was alright. No where near as scary as the actual Exorcist. When that little girl spider walks down the stairs, well I actually never see that part because I hide my head beneath a blanket, or boogie man shield as it is referred too. I had no boogie man shield to protect me in the theater however. But I didn't really need one until the end anyway. The movie was more like needlessly gory than scary. Seeing a person being ripped apart by a hyena was almost enough for me not to want to finish my contraband ice cream. However, the fact that a snuck a Dairy Queen sundae into the theater in my purse means that I had to finish it. I couldn't let it go to waste.

To go and see a movie in Lloydminster is 8$, cheaper than seeing one in Edmonton. Plus I had some nice bonding time with my sister. It is about 45 minutes from our town to Lloydminster and at night the highway is pitch black. We always scare ourselves with spooky hitchhikers stories. We should know better because we are both chickenshits. Once she had me creeped out so badly I stopped by the side of the road and said if she didn't shut up I was going to make her get out and walk the rest of the way home. It didn't help that I had pulled over by a cemetary. The idea of her getting out in the dark and standing outside of a creepy cemetary was just too much for the both of us to bear so we continued on our way. I love scary movies and stories but I really am a chicken. I bought The Sixth Sense today, a movie that I absolutely love. I got about half way through when Katie decided she was going to bed, leaving me to tough the rest of the movie out on my own. I couldn't do it. I had to stop the movie before the puking girl showed up. Even a boogie man shield can't protect me from that. I have seen the movie a million times and I still hide my head under a blanket when that girl shows up, who I think is played my Mischa Barton, a decidely unscary person.

I should mosey myself off to bed though before I creep myself out even more with talk of scary puking children.

2004-08-14T12:38:00.000-09:00

I hope everyone is as excited for the new Libertines album as I am. Or maybe not. If I am the only one excited their new album that makes me cooler than the rest of the world. Take that world. No seriously guys, check out this band. They kick The Darkness's ass on best new British band. Plus they don't dress in Elvis reject jumpsuits. So jump on the Libertine bandwagon, it's nice up here! And the band is only made cooler by the fact that Pete Doherty, one of the men responsible for this cutting edge (oh the cliche term, it hurts me) British band, is a crackhead. The fact that he could find time in his busy crackhead life to churn out a new album, well, it is just bloody amazing. And the fact that the rest of the Libertines continue to put up with his bullshit, so the continue to make great music, well, c'mon how can you not love this band! Anyway, I am done with my creepy fangirl ramblings. Jist of the story is, August 30th support the band and buy the album. Don't be a wankster and just download the songs. Sampling is okay, stealing is not. The end.

...I think my hairspray made me delirious

2004-08-13T21:52:00.000-09:00

Okay so Katie and I got back from the Fringe. It is only 11:30 on a Friday night and we are both at home in our pajamas. I guess that makes us lame-asses, eh? Oh well. We didn't actually see any Fringe plays because of our poverty stricken lives. We did however manage to find the money to purchase wrap pants and fedoras. The oddest thing happened at the booth were Katie bought her wrap pants. The man running the booth was totally indescribable. He was just so, I dunno, mellow. A stereotypical picture of a guy who should be selling comfy earthy clothes and prayer scarfs. Katie asked the vendor how much his pants were, he answered and then asked, "Are you ladies gonna be here for a while? I just need to leave for a sec." We were taken aback and mumbled yeah. He then proceeded to show us how to put on the wrap pants just in case anyone asked. Then he left to go buy water because he was thirsty. "What are we suppose to do?" I asked. "I dunno. Look at pants and pretend like we belong here." Katie answered. I think it was some sort of test. I bet that guy was actually Jesus and he was just seeing if humanity is still worth bothering for. Katie and I passed, we stood in his pant hut and kept an eye on his store. She tried on some pants and ending up buying them. I am jealous of her comfy wrap pants. I think I am gonna go back and buy the silky black ones. So anyway, you can thank Katie and I for saving humanity because we watched Jesus's store and impressed him with our honesty. He must of read our auras or something and decided we were trustworthy. It was definately flattering to have a complete stranger trust you with his wares and box o' money.

Oh, and my fedora kicks major ass, except it makes my head sweaty. Gross.

2004-08-10T22:32:00.000-09:00

I just realised that the bottle man that proposed to me in the alley was Cheech Marin. Why didn't I say yes??? I could have been Mrs. Marin. The man with him was most definately Tommy Chong. He is from Edmonton after all. It would make perfect sense that Cheech and Chong were picking bottles from the dumpsters in my alley. The dapper bottle man story was pretty good to begin with but I think it is even better now that Cheech and Chong are in it.

I bought the best thing in the entire world at Future World the other day: the first season of NYPD Blue on DVD. Not only is it 6 DVDs chock full of the happenings in the Big Apple, it was only TWENTY DOLLARS. This makes up for any crappy thing that has ever happened to me. Even the time when I was eight I had to give the ring back that my little boyfriend gave to me because he stole it from his mom's dresser drawer. It was a nice ring and if I still had it I would wear it even now. The only negative thing about my brand new DVD box set is this creepy fascination I am developing for David Caruso.

I went grocery shopping this evening because I am making soup tomorrow. The end result should be some kind of spicy beef udon noodle concoction. I made it once before but I didn't write down what I put in so I hope it is just as good this time. I think the fresh bean sprouts and snow peas should make it better. Katie mentioned that she would think I was half Asian if not for my hillbilly redneck background. Just because we had a 90 year old man who could yodel as entertainment at my family reunion does not make me a hillbilly. The yodelling man's name was Alberta Slim and his "roadie" claimed that he had also worked for Ozzy Osbourne. However, he was taking a break from the hectic life of rock 'n roll and enjoying taking it easy touring with good ol' Slim. This man may or may not have been full of shit. He was wearing an Ozzy t-shirt though.

I am scaring myself with how domestic I actually am. Tomorrow before work I have a full day of cleaning, sewing and of course soup-making. Is it wrong that I want to do all these things while wearing pearls and a pink frilly apron? Deep down in my subconscious, Donna Reed is my secret idol. I got this great cook book from my mom's home ec. room at my old school. It is straight from the 50's. It shows you how to properly host a dinner party, how to cut a roast, and how to create the perfect souffle. Homemakers of the 50s must have been secret alcholics; nearly every entree recipe contains sherry. I think I am more of an Alterna Reed because dear Donna would properly not think jello shooters are an appropriate appetizer to serve at a dinner party, where as I think it is the perfect thing. Two great things rolled into one; you get all the fun of jello and vodka in one slurp. Last time I made them though I put too much vodka in. The green and the blue ones turned out good but the red ones were more like cherry vodka soup.

I think I am just rambling on about nothing now. The effects of being tired I suppose. I didn't get very much sleep last night. For one, I went to bed to late and was rudely waken up by my kitty who has discovered the joys of playing with that springy door stopper thingy. So maybe it is time for bed now. Good night world.

Ohmigod, a second post!

2004-08-07T15:07:00.000-09:00

Two posts, in the same day even. I am already doing better than the last time I had this thingy...

Katie and I went out for lunch today to discuss why she is such a crackhead. I was prepared to lay down the smackdown. I was also prepared for her to start crying and then I would cry and then we would both just be crying like psychos in the middle of the restaurant. We were just gonna walk down Jasper until we found a place we wanted to eat at. Do you know what was travelling down Jasper Ave.??? A frickin' parade!!! Full of scantily clad people getting their dance on. How can I be angry when everyone around me is feeling the island rhythm??

Katie and I decided to eat lunch at Kyoto where Katie's sushi exploded as soon as she picked it up, leaving fish eggs everywhere. How can I be mad at a person as she is lamenting the loss of her fish eggs? It didn't help that we could see and hear the parade from the window. Fate obviously did not want me to be angry today. But the lines of communication opened up, which is good. I no longer wish horrible death upon her, which is always nice. Apparently we are both stubborn anal retentive bitches. But we had a good talk and she may be staying, because after all Kavi and I are much cooler (and cuter) than any silly girls in Garneau. And if she moves out she would miss Cowboy Day and Pink Week. It is still all up in the air though. However, Kavi arrives tomorrow and then we can figure things out for real. I will have to tell her that we no longer hate Katie's guts.

I am gonna go stalk Erica at work now.

First-ish post

2004-08-07T08:33:00.000-09:00

Apparently there is this funny little trend sweeping through my workplace of posting your thoughts on the internet. That's creepy, dude. But intriguing nonetheless. Makes stalking easier I suppose. I got homiebear 's address and lo' and behold Erica and Cass also have blogs. I wanted one too!! However when I went to sign in, choosing a username that I choose for everything, the man in the computer informed me that the username I choose was already taken. Apparently I already had a blogger account. I made one back when I was seventeen, posted once and then forgot about it. I seem to remember it having a cat theme or something. I didn't know they would keep unused accounts around for three years. Maybe, I will remember to post stuff this time, but I still think it is creepy that you guys can read this whenever you want. It is like lurking from afar.